Jenny lived across the street with her sister and her parents. They were super nice people. Jenny was a few years older than me and for some reason she didn’t play outside with us. Even though she was a kid, she was also friends with my mother. One day we were at her house, and we played hide and seek. I hid in the bathtub with the shower curtain closed. Jenny called time out because she had to use the bathroom. As fate would have it, she went into the bathroom where I was hiding and closed the door. I heard her sit on the toilet and in a panic, I said her name. She told me it was too late, and she relieved herself. She had diarrhea. She finished, washed her hands and left the room. She did not flush the toilet. I peeped into the toilet, and it embarrassed me. I felt sorry for her.
There was another kid on the street named Sterling. He wasn’t allowed to play with us. He was very polite and wore a CPO jacket very similar to the one Eb wore on Green Acres. He had the whitest complexion and for some reason I remember his parents looked older than my grandparents. And further down the street was Mandy. Mandy’s parents seemed like my parents except they had their shit together. I remember walking to her house one day. I was excited that I was going into the third grade the next school year. I was going to carry a briefcase to school, do homework and ask Mandy if she would be my girlfriend. I was so excited. But life had other plans. My dad was advancing in his career, and my mother was sinking into her addiction. Life on Wildwood would change.
I had to get even with Fred. We were playing in the street, and I don’t remember why, but he chased me. I ran as fast as I could, but he caught up with me and pushed me hard! I lost my balance, slipped and hit my forehead on the step at our front door. It knocked me out. I am telling you; this kid was rotten to the core. The next thing I remembered was waking up on our couch with him and his mother looking at me. He apologized after his mother told him he had to. He said, “I am sorry Billy, and I apologize.” I looked at him and said, “it’s OK”. He didn’t mean his apology and I was being polite. It wasn’t OK. We lied to one another. His mother didn’t detect it. My dad did. I learned later that my dad witnessed Fred’s push and he and chased Fred home. I was so tired of Fred and the way he treated me and how he never got in trouble. All he did was apologize and bully me. But this time, Fred had to pay for what he did to me. I was patient. I wondered how I could retaliate. I couldn’t fight. Then finally, it came to me. I would make him drink my pee.
Back then the popular soft drink on our street was Hyde Park Ginger Ale. We bought it from the Big Star up on Getwell. I don’t remember if it was good or bad, but I remember everyone on Wildwood drank it. One Saturday morning I went next door to Aunt Miriam’s house to see if Chris was there. He was. I told him about my plan, and he went to the kitchen and got a bottle of ginger ale and we drank all of it. For some reason, without talking about it, we went outside and stood behind the bushes next to the house and urinated into the bottle. Success! It looked just like the ginger ale! So, we went to the curb, put the bottle down and played in the street. We knew Fred would come down. Now, I have to tell you, Fred did not bully Chris at all. Chris was tough and although I never saw him fight, I knew he could. Sheryl came out and sure enough, Fred came down. I don’t remember how she knew, but she was in on it. I think we played tag or something, I don’t remember. The truth is that while Fred was playing, we were setting him up. Soon after we stopped, Chris walked over to the curb, picked up the bottle and asked Fred if he wanted to have a drink. Fred took the bottle and right as he was about to take a drink, he told us it smelled funny. We all put our noses to it, and I told him that it was just warm because it had been outside. We lied and told him we didn’t smell anything. The three of us looked at him and shrugged and he took a sip.
As soon as it entered his mouth he knew. He knew it was urine, he knew he was betrayed, and he knew I was behind it. I was mortified and numb. His face turned brilliant crimson and for the first time ever, he looked sad. We made eye contact, and I kept it until he looked away. He yelled at me, “I am telling my momma!” and he ran home. Chris and Sherly and I started laughing and screaming. It was a celebration. I felt my body relax. I was in control. The neighborhood bully drank my pee! I ran inside and got my dad. I knew Fred and his mother would be back soon. And sure enough, they were. His mother, red-faced, yet calm, asked me if I was going to apologize to Fred. I looked at my dad for directions. My dad looked at me with love and concern and a hint of pride. I looked back at Fred’s mom and told her no.
Bill Webb, Jr. 